Five hours later, I watched on. My eyes burned. I knew I had to rise early for church the next day, but, nevertheless, I watched on. 

At one point, even though I had consumed an obscene amount of calories that day, I snuck into the kitchen and crammed a few cold rolls, slathered with honey butter, into my mouth, chasing it down with large spoon of whipped cream.

Where do we turn for consolation?

I don’t know about you but the days of winter, whether in the thick of the holidays or in the isolating days that follow, I can find myself feeling lonely, restless, and unmotivated. Add any kind of physical or emotional complication and the situation worsens. 

So often we human beings turn to our phones or other screens to escape and find the “more” we are yearning for, but, unless we watch, play, or scroll in moderation, we find the opposite of what we are looking for. We find what St. Ignatius calls desolation. 

Ignatius lived in the 16^th century and in his autobiography, he shares a life-changing spiritual insight, given to him by God, which has helped myriads of Catholics understand what spiritual warfare is and how to fight temptation.

When Ignatius, a soldier, was recovering from an operation, he read, thought about, and imagined stories of heroism and romance: 

When he was thinking about the things of the world, he found much delight in them. But afterwards, when he was tired and put them aside, he found that he was dry and discontented. 

On the other hand, when the young Ignatius thought about heroic Christian behavior and imitating the lives of the saints, he was left feeling “content and happy.”  (He refers to this as consolation.)

I can picture a modern-day Ignatius, the darkness and cold of winter hemming him in, his aching leg propped up on a pillow, binge watching Netflix and falling into a troubled sleep with brownie crumbs all up in his beard. He wakes the next morning with a vague sense of shame and a need for strong coffee. Conversely, I can picture him choosing instead to pray the rosary, have a friendly conversation with his dad on the phone, and read a bit before falling asleep at a reasonable hour. The next morning, he wakes with a desire to talk to God and a healthy appetite for healthy food. In the former scenario, he invites “desolation.” In the latter, he experiences “consolation.” 

[This is an incomplete picture of what desolation and consolation are. If you would like to read further on the subject, I recommend The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living by Father Timothy Gallagher.]

3 Ways We Can Find the “More” We Are Looking For

Sometimes, when we are in the mood to relax with our screens, the last thing we want to do is pray. After all, if we pray, our consciences may ruin all our fun! But as disciples of Christ, we must stop avoiding prayer. Praying about our temptations will help us stay more sensitive to God’s will, even if we still spend too long with our screens. Prayer will help us admit that we sometimes hide from our loving Father. Just a bit. That there are moments in which we aren’t really interested in doing his will. 

Even though I still hide from my Father more than I would like to admit, here are 3 ways I fight temptation when I approach screen time. Maybe you will find them helpful:

1. Look at Jesus. Before you start watching something or pick up your phone, stand in front of a crucifix, even if it is just for a moment and even if you feel like you are just “going through the motions.” Look at Jesus and tell him you love him. Tell him how you feel (sad, bored, overwhelmed, lonely, etc.), and tell him what you plan to do for entertainment and relaxation. If it is not sinful, go ahead and do what you were planning to do. 

1. Periodically check in. When you need to take a bathroom break or get a drink, say the name of Jesus several times. Or during advertisements, mute your show and pray a slow, careful Our Father or Hail Mary. 

1. Practice. According to St. Ignatius, we should prepare for moments of desolation when we are experiencing strength and conviction (consolation). One way we can do this is by practicing what we will do when we next turn to our phones or streaming service to relax. We can use our imaginations to practice the proper use of screen time.

Here is an example of something I may say to myself as, in my mind, I walk through an imagined scenario step-by-step: “This has been a long day, and I have accomplished a lot. I am tired and yet I don’t want to go to sleep or do any chores. I am going to say a little prayer and discern how long I should watch my show. Then I will set the timer for that amount of time. When that timer goes off, I am going to stop screen time and brush my teeth. If I am tempted to return to my screen, I will fight this temptation by reading a chapter of the gospel of John. When the time comes to stop watching my show, I may find it difficult, but if I want to grow closer to God, these are the little steps I must take. My Father in Heaven will do the rest.” 

Simple practices like these may seem futile or silly, but they are powerful. It is all too easy to hide from our Heavenly Father and almost forget that the habits we have come to rely on are harming us and our relationships.

As a mom, I remember making chocolate chip cookies and leaving them to cool on the counter. When I turned my back for a moment, my three-year-old and four-year-old sons grabbed a cookie in each hand and ran to crouch behind the sofa while stuffing the treats into their mouths before their budding consciences could convince them they were being naughty. Yeah, far too often, that’s us. Let’s not hide from our Father, but bravely admit what we are doing, even if we can’t yet fully overcome it. The means to grow in virtue and fight temptation are simple and within our grasp if only we will do them.

Also published at spiritualdirection.com

Our primary reason for hesitating was that most of our young adult children and their spouses lived in the eastern part of the country. And we now had three new grandbabies! Although my husband and I both loved the southwest and had happily spent our early married life in Gallup, NM, we had missed our families back East. We never thought we would live so far away from our loved ones again. 

Added to family considerations, my husband had not worked in Catholic education for many years and was unsure whether he should return to his career as a principal. Slowly, over the course of our three-day stay in Montrose, his heart began to open to this possibility as he witnessed the authentic Catholic mission of Pope John Paul II Academy and met the staff and families associated with the school and local parish. After nearly a year of walking in the dark of unemployment, we were getting a glimpse of light, but we were not yet convinced this new opportunity was God’s will for us.

Now, though we were meeting Father Matthew for the first time, words spilled out of our mouths as we tried to briefly share not only our present dilemma, but the years of change and challenge that had led us to this point. 

Fr. Matthew listened carefully. Finally, he asked a few clarifying questions, and, to my surprise, turned to me and asked me what my gifts were. As a 52-year-old woman who had been homeschooling for a number of years, I was taken aback. This potential move was about my husband’s employment situation. His work had supported the family financially for 30 years and allowed me to make my own valuable, but less seen and less measurable contribution from within the home. I wasn’t very marketable.

Nevertheless, knowing that life is more than just a paycheck and a resume, I shared with Fr. Matthew my love for education and the catechetical work I had done over the years, adding, “Also, I just published a book…a devotional really. I’ve been working on it for years and thought it would never be finished, but suddenly all the necessary pieces fell into place. I published it a month ago.”

“What is it about?” 

“The title is Everyday Heroism—that is a phrase borrowed from Pope John Paul II as he speaks about the role of motherhood. The subtitle is “28 Daily Reflections on the Little Way of Motherhood.” 

Fr. Matthew looked at me, glanced at my husband, then back at me again. He said, “You know the Pueblo Diocese is called the Diocese of the Little Way, right?”

Sometimes in a long, drawn-out discernment process—when you are trying to allow God to lead you, but still be active in the process—it can feel like you are spinning around in circles. 

There was something about Father Matthew’s words that put a stop to the spinning.

Our History with the Little Way of St. Thérèse

The Little Way. Both my husband and I had a profound history with this phrase. 

For me, it started 30 years ago. I had idealized the role of motherhood and rejoiced when we were expecting our first baby, but I soon realized that being a stay-at-home had many challenges. Every day I swung from the high of being with my beautiful kids and caring for my home, to feelings of failure as I tried to establish a routine and be more productive.

My primary goal was to follow Christ and get myself, my husband, and my children to heaven, but that lofty goal was sticky with jam most days, and I sometimes grew discouraged.

Soon St. Thérèse’s “Little Way” became a model for me, as I learned to lean into my daily duties and, like Thérèse, make love my “vocation.” As a mother, I was constantly reminded of my weaknesses, but Thérèse prompted me to give everything to God and let him do all the heavy lifting, trusting that He would bring fruit from my efforts. 

As for my husband, he had left his successful career as an administrator in Catholic education almost 20 years prior and had been working behind a desk for a small, rural company. His lack-luster job allowed him to be more present at home, but he wondered if God would ever call him back into the field he loved. As the years passed, he, too, began to identify with the little, humble way of St. Thérèse.

For years I served our small parish as a catechist and wrote on the side. My husband led 40 Days for Life vigils, and fixed cars, snow-blowers, and lawnmowers. We prioritized our marriage, our children, and our domestic church. Imperfect as we were, our family motto was, “No regrets.” 

Now, as we sat with Fr. Matthew in a coffee shop, we knew those years had formed and shaped us and provided a platform from which we could even more actively serve outside of our family, using our gifts, education, and experience. Though Father Matthew did not urge us to move to Montrose, speaking with him and the fact that Montrose was in the Diocese of the “Little Way,” had done something in our hearts. We walked out of the meeting into the bright sunshine of a May morning, ready to follow God back to the southwest.

The Catholic Way of Life Brings Fulfillment

We spent two wonderful years in Montrose, where my husband was principal. I continued to write while helping at the school and our parish, St. Mary. This past summer we moved to Ohio to be closer to our family which continues to grow exponentially. God has given us new work to do, but we are so grateful for our little corner of the Pueblo Diocese. Our time there was magical— filled with people who will never leave our hearts. May we all be together one day in the beatific vision!

Wherever we go and whatever we do, the Catholic way of life is about doing the will of the Father. It is often a hidden life of service, simplicity, and obedience as we seek always to make our relationship with God— and those he has entrusted to us— the priority. I pray that all of us, as faithful disciples of Christ, will never get so caught up in our projects, our productivity, and our promotions, that we forget our primary vocation.

“Faith, hope, and love remain. And the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor. 13:13).

If you have young children, you may wonder if your child will be able to sit and be quiet for the length of a complete Mass. You might wonder what you can bring with you to Mass to help them stay—somewhat—still and quiet. 

As a mom of five kids and a grandmother of several pre-school aged children, I have a few tips for parents who are looking for ways to facilitate a beautiful Christmas celebration at church. Or at least ideas that might help you get through the first 30 minutes without having to step outside with them!

How can I prepare my child to attend Mass? 

Is it even necessary to prepare a three-year-old or an eight-year-old child for Mass? And how do we do it? Do we train them to sit on a hard chair for an hour without getting up? 

No. 

Think about taking your child to a football game. It isn’t about buying them enough hot dogs to keep them busy (though hot dogs do help!). It is about teaching them understand the spirit of what you are doing and what is actually going on in the game. 

Read this article for some practical, easy ways to prepare yourself and your child Mass and to make it “make sense.” It will go a long way in helping your kids to be engaged and invested. 

What You Can Bring to Keep Your Kids from Crawling Under the Pew

If you bring something to Mass to occupy your child, hold off as long as possible in bringing it out. You don’t want to use up all your “tricks” in the first 10 minutes! Some kids might be able to pay attention and imitate the behavior of the adults better than you think, especially if you have prepared them and they know what is going on.

My Golden Mass Rules: the simpler and fewer the choices and activities you make available to your children at Mass, the better. When it comes to babies and toddlers, remember that any hard object will make a loud sound if it is dropped…or thrown! Absolutely no electronics! (Also, it is tempting to bring food to Mass to occupy your child, but for several reasons, I don’t recommend it.) 

Anything that keeps your child quietly busy at Mass can be brought to Mass, as long as it is not noisy or distracting, but I suggest items and activities below that will help your child start to understand the nature of religion and worship. The distinction between a children’s book about Taylor Swift and one about the Christmas story may not seem like a big deal, but the stories and activities you provide them with are foundational in teaching your children what to value and providing them with a worldview.

Books, Ages 2-5

• About the Mass: A Missal for Toddlers

• The Beginner's Bible The Very First Christmas

Books, Ages 5-9 

• My First Interactive Mass Book

• Jesus Calling: the Story of Christmas

Beyond Books 

• Catholic Family Crate sells a fantastic resource called a Mass Ring that can help your older children follow along during the Mass.

• Purchase a Bible-based activity book. I have used Bible Hidden Pictures with my 4 year old grand-daughter, and she loves it.

• While I can not personally recommend it, My Pray and Play Busy Board Book looks amazing! It has quite a few pieces to it, but they are soft and they Velcro into the book.

“Last minute” what-to-bring hack:

• Wrap a (soft) doll in swaddling clothes and have your child “take care of baby Jesus” during Mass.

• Have your child go with you into the store and buy a flower to give to baby Jesus or to Our Blessed Mother at your church after Mass. This will give them something to look forward to during the Mass. Offer this token of love by helping your child lay the flower close to a statue or next to the nativity scene found in most churches this time of year.

• You should be able to find nativity (Christmas) stories or Bible-story coloring books and religious stickersat your local stores, such as Hobby Lobby and Walmart.

• Go to my author website and print off a Mass-themed coloring page and a Christmas-themed coloring page. Grab three crayons and—voila—you have an appropriate at-church activity. (Wrap a rubber band around the crayons so they won’t roll!) 

• Give an older child a little notebook and a pencil and encourage them to write a list of people they want to pray for at Mass. When Mass is over, you can even pray through the list together. 

• Bring some sort of reusable drawing board and have them draw pictures of the items they see in the church, such as the crucifix. There are plenty of statues and pictures children are interested in looking at and learning about.

One final note: Mass is not meant to be “fun,” so you don’t have to try and get your kids to see it as fun. Mass is meant to be life changing. It is reverent, set-apart from the mundane, and it is designed not to entertain us, but to help us repent of our sins and worship God who is worthy of our thanks, praise, and love. 

Going to Mass and bringing your kids with you is one of the best things you’ll ever do! Keep things simple, keep things meaningful, and try to prepare your children ahead of time. You’ll find that Mass is an ideal opportunity for your family to draw close, both physically and emotionally, as you focus on what is most important in this earthly life. Getting to heaven!

[Watch this video which will walk you through the parts of the Mass with great explanations.]

We parents can learn so much from St. John Bosco (1815-1888) whose ideas of forming and educating youth, especially boys, were revolutionary and wildly effective. He was teacher, confessor, mentor, and friend to hundreds, especially ministering to boys who came from broken homes and/or were destitute. Many of these young men went on to become priests, bishops, and devote Catholic laymen. 

When it comes to the Sacraments, Don Bosco was crystal clear. He told young people, “You should not think you have a sincere devotion until you go willingly to confession and Communion.” He offered confession (the Sacrament of Reconciliation) frequently and encouraged his boys to go often.

Do We Really Comprehend What Confession Can Mean for Children?

When my children were young, we attended a family retreat. During the course of the morning, it was announced that the Sacrament of Reconciliation would take place before the afternoon session. My 9-year-old son had evidently made a note of this information and as we headed back into the church after lunch, he hurried up to me and blurted out, “Where is the confession stand?” I realized his involvement with Little League had him a bit mixed up, but I pointed toward the confessional where the priest was waiting, and I watched my son practically run to it. I knew something serious must be on his mind. 

I thank God my 9-year-old son knew that the Sacrament of Reconciliation was given to us to help us in the spiritual battles of life. Thank God that he didn’t wait another ten, twenty, thirty years to go to confession, denying himself of the grace he would so desperately need every day as a pre-teen, a teenager and finally, a husband and father. 

When people ask me what the secret to raising Catholic kids was (I have five young adult children), one part of the answer is always frequent confession. 

Two Things You Must Do if You Want Your Children to Experience the Healing Power of the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

1. We need to teach our children what confession is and how it works! (Also, they need to know that they must confess all their mortal sins in order make a good confession.)

Don’t think school or religious education will teach them this. Parents must do it.

1. We need to take them to confession frequently and go to confession ourselves. Aim for once a month. This is what the Church recommends, and I find that if I delay in going, it gets more and more difficult to “get around to it.” 

Nothing can take the place of the Sacrament of Reconciliation in our lives and in the lives of our children. Jesus gave us this sacrament as part of our fundamental survival plan here on planet earth. We either believe in the power of the sacrament or we don’t. If we believe, we will go and we will take our children. And we will be given the grace we need to be happy, healthy, and strong.

The Battle is Real, but the Father Has a Plan. (Whew!)

We must regularly remind our children that a battle is taking place for their souls. Remember, if your children are “good kids,” Satan and his cohort will try to make them think they don’t need confession. 

If, on the other hand, your children are flamboyant commandment breakers, the evil one will try to make them feel unforgivable and discouraged. It will be your job to help them see that they have an enemy who is trying to trick them and to help them see how much the Father loves them! (Read the Prodigal Son story together from Luke, Chapter 15.) 

When your children are struggling with repeating the same sins, remind them that perseverance, getting up when we fail, even if we fail again and again, is normal. Eventually, if we persevere in repenting and try again, we will conquer! We will win the war against the world, the flesh, and the devil, and we will find the kind of mental and spiritual peace and equilibrium that leads to true happiness. This has been the Father’s plan for us from the beginning!

[Use a good examination of conscience for kids to help you help your children know what they ought to confess. Read more about confession and how to prepare as an older child or adult, here.]

In The Common Man, G.K. Chesterton said, “Every education teaches a philosophy, if not by dogma, then by suggestion, by implication, by atmosphere. Every part of that education has a connection with every other part. If it does not all combine to convey some general view of life, it is not education at all.” 

In other words, education really is that important. It will deeply impact our children, giving them a view of life that forms them and provides a foundation from which they will make all their decisions. 

But don’t be intimidated or frightened when you are making educational choices for your child. Jesus says to his followers, “Do not be afraid… little flock, for your Father is pleased to give you the kingdom” (Lk 12:32). As Catholic parents, we should be people of faith and know that if we stay close to our Lord, his provision knows no bounds.

A “Good Place” for Discernment

My husband and I made some unconventional choices when we were educating our children. For instance, though our children attended Catholic schools, an unexpected change of circumstances caused us to begin homeschooling on the fly, though I was experiencing health problems at the time. My parents, with whom we were temporarily living, must have thought we were crazy. Fast forward several years…we had never planned to enroll our children in public school, but as they matured, we reconsidered for a number of reasons. Four of our children attended public school in their junior and senior years. 

There were many factors that went into the decisions we made, and there were many moments of uncertainty, but God was with us in the (sometimes painful, drawn out) discernment process. 

If you find yourself having trouble deciding which educational path might be best at any given time for your child, start with the basics. Be in a “good place” to discern. You are the parents of these children, which gives you a unique ability to make these choices. An ability and a responsibility which is super-naturalized by a sacramental marriage. 

(Ideally husbands and wives should be making these decisions together! As a stay-at-home mom with the primary care of my children, I had to be careful to bring my thoughts and insights to my husband, so we could pray and discern as a team, and my husband had to be careful that he took his role as spiritual head of our home seriously.)

Three Essential Components 

What does it mean to be in a good position for discernment? I suggest three ways that we parents can dispose ourselves to the Holy Spirit, which will empower us to think more clearly and make good choices. I recently discussed these ideas in depth with the Schuberts in a Modern Catholic Family podcast, but here is a starting point:

Conversion. We have to ask ourselves if we are truly converted to Christ or if we are playing at being Catholic. Do we want God's best blessings? Then we need to become his faithful followers. There is no shortcut and there is no fence-sitting. We cannot hope to discern what is best for ourselves and our families when we are sitting on the fence. God wants to give us the help we need, but how can we hear his voice, and discern what is good, when we are more interested in being “the captain of our own ship?”

Stay in a state of grace and cooperate with the graces God continually makes available to us! Following God's commandments, seeking to understand what is expected of us by the Church Christ founded, paying particular attention to our sacramental life, praying daily, soaking ourselves in scripture… these things will allow us to access and cooperate with God’s grace and will help us rebound when we fail. Grace is described by the Catechism of the Catholic Church as, “the free and undeserved help that God gives us to respond to his call to become children of God…partakers of the divine nature and of eternal life” (1996).Yes, please! 

Have courage. Have the courage to go outside of your comfort zone, while relying on God meet you in that awkward or difficult place. It takes courage to do things differently than other people are doing them. It takes courage to lead your children and to risk making them unhappy or unpopular in the short term. It takes courage to give up some of your own personal ideas of success—to find a simpler lifestyle which allows you the time needed to raise children and work through the difficulties which will arise. Don't expect your family to do things the way that everyone else is doing them. Even other Catholic families, while they may model some great educational pathways, will look different from your family. Stay in touch with a supportive community, learn from the good example of others, but be your own thing!

When Catholic parents start to make educational choices for their children, there can be a confusing list of pros and cons for homeschool, public and charter schools, Catholic and other private schools. The whole thing can leave us feeling a bit out of our depth. But when we trust God, He helps us at every step (or moment of paralysis!) along the way when we put ourselves in a good position to hear his voice.

Recently, a friend challenged me to use these questions to examine my behavior on any given day. I find it helpful, though surprisingly difficult to do if I wait too late in the day when my brain is shutting down. I skim over the events of the day in my mind, and I can remember the moments that need some evaluation. This exercise highlights things I need to ask God's forgiveness for, perhaps providing fodder for my next confession, and areas in which I might improve. My inner reflections might go something like this (purely fictitious) one:

"Okay...yeah, I woke up pretty grumpy and gave my husband only a half-hearted hug before leaving the house. (What if this had been his final day on earth? That would have been my last memory of him. What a horrible thought! He deserves better than that...)

Then there was the guy who was driving 20 miles an hour in front of me all the way down to town. I was totally justified in riding his tail, wasn't I? (Gosh, maybe God was drawing my attention to him because he needed someone to pray for him. I forgot about my resolution to pray for people who annoy me...)

And how about my daughter's volleyball coach? We trash-talked her over dinner! But honestly, she screams like a shrew and almost never smiles. (My approach would be so different!) But then again, she seems to care about the kids and works hard to help them reach their potential. The truth is, I should either "let it go" or do something constructive to make the situation better. It is unloving of me to talk about her so negatively. 

And how about my son, later in the evening? When I scolded him and confiscated his phone was that just 'tired mommy' freaking out over nothing?  No... I can honestly say I responded the way I did because I love him, and I want what is best for him. Thank you, God, that I managed to be calm and business-like instead of becoming demeaning and sarcastic...I know I can be that way sometimes..."

This kind of "examination of conscience" doesn't take very long, but it helps us realize that our lives are made up of people. Every encounter with another person throughout the day is an opportunity. A chance to love as we have been loved, to show mercy, just as we have been shown mercy. So often we tell others to be "nice," or "kind," when what we should be saying to them and to ourselves is, "Did you love that person today with the love of God?  Are you allowing God to fill you each day with his love, so that you are ready to meet the next person who comes into your path?" 

 God is calling each one of us to be holy and that means allowing him to "perfect us in love." At the end of the day, it's Love that lifts us up where we belong!

If you would like to learn more about what a five minute daily “examination of conscience” accomplishes with a step-by-step method for how to carry it out, check out this article from Fr. John Bartunek.

I would persuade people that suffering is the worst evil imaginable, until they make any compromise, large or small, to avoid it.

I would use talented and attractive people to persuade others to do wicked things in clean, pleasant surroundings.

I would infiltrate places of education to make sure that the things of God appear unreasonable, unscientific, and ridiculous.

I would increase my power by making my most diligent servants influential in all areas—from media to religion, from entertainment to exercise.

I would consider the way God created human beings, male and female, and try to make people as confused as possible about the meaning of their bodies.

I would remember how God commands a husband to love his wife in the same self-sacrificing way that Christ loved the Church and then persuade men to look upon women as objects and neglect their duties.

I would make women suspicious of their feminine design and deepest instincts, persuading them that men are not to be trusted and that power and independence are the way to become free and happy.

I would think of the first command that God gave humankind to "be fruitful and multiply" and then convince men and women to make the sex act sterile.

I would make parents doubt their ability and God-given authority to parent, so that they become ineffective in helping their children become who God is calling them to be.

I would do everything I could to make Christians act badly and encourage non-believers to label all Christians as hypocrites.

I would continually tempt Christians to decide for themselves who God is while ignoring what God has revealed about Himself.

If I were Satan, I would manipulate human beings until their perception of "reality" is warped, making them incapable of exercising common sense. Or perceiving the battle being waged for their souls. 

My diabolical goal would be to turn the hearts of men and women, boys and girls, away from their loving Father. To make them utterly forget that I, Satan, am their crafty and hateful enemy.

After writing this article, I learned that Paul Harvey, a famous radio personality, broadcasted a prophetic speech in 1965 called, "If I Were the Devil." Check it out!

Clearly, once children have memorized a song, it has the potential to stay with them forever. When we are teaching the faith to our children, we can use song to help them to recall the things that Jesus said, Church teaching, and salvation history. 

Singing is also a beautiful way to pray. Even if children blindly memorize a song and don’t understand what they are singing, later that song can come back to “haunt” them (in the best of ways). The following is a story I tell in my book, Everyday Heroism: 28 Daily Reflections on the Little Way of Motherhood: 

My absolute favorite way to pray as a family with young children is singing in the car. When my kids were little, we did this for hours on end during frequent road trips. Thankfully, there are many resources available to help parents sing with their children—everything from Christian radio to simple scriptural memorization songs to Gregorian chant. [After  years of singing together, I could see how these faith based songs were truly influencing my children’s ability to connect with God.] One night, after the children were in bed, I heard the sweet, soft tones of the hymn “More Precious Than Silver” drifting down the stairs. I tiptoed nearer and realized it was the angelic soprano voice of my rowdy, sports-minded, seven-year-old son, Dominic. I didn't even know he could sing! 

Imagine if your child memorized as little as one song per year based on a scripture verse, such as Psalm 23, plus a song that teaches a foundational Catholic teaching, such as the Beatitudes. If a child memorizes just two songs per year starting at three years old, by the time they are in 8^th grade they will have memorized 30 songs! 

A couple more faith-based items children can easily memorize through song:

• The 73 books of the Bible https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3jqnE4aPj0

• The names of the apostles https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfi3JRR1Nfc

• The Divine Mercy chaplet https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKj1I0hBxWw&t=376s

• The Magnificat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i85XG4OwQ8s

• Proverbs 18:10  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZUb9n-3was

• 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A87Zkw4_vqM

St. Thomas Aquinas said, “We must be anxious and earnest about the things we wish to remember, because the more a thing is impressed on the mind, the less it is liable to slip out of it.” Even if everything else we teach our children should, “slip out” of their minds, we have achieved a beautiful result if they can sing of the goodness of God and His truth.

Also published at Catholicmom.com.

In order to do this, they first need to “possess” within themselves a host of words, ideas, images, and word-based infrastructure. How can we draw out of them that which has not been put in their little minds in the first place? 

Furnishing the Mind

One way that we can teach them to think and communicate well is simple, but it packs a punch: The Institute for Excellence in Writing frequently refers to it as “furnishing the mind.” It is especially helpful for children to memorize good poetry and other sources of rich language and imagery, so that they can rummage around in the brain for all kinds of good building blocks which will help them to think, speak, and write more effectively.

I recently taught a class to middle schoolers in which we memorized quite a bit of poetry. One day, I asked the class to remind me where we had left off reading a certain novel, but no one could remember. I urged them to try a little harder saying, “Think! Where did we leave off?” A popular 7^th grade boy piped up, “Somewhere ages and ages hence.” While this answer was not practically helpful, it thrilled me, because it is a line from The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost–a poem we had memorized as a class several weeks earlier. Now that poem was “furnishing” his mind!

Memory work can also add to a child’s confidence by increasing their familiarity with words and various arrangements of words. For example, many readers feel intimidated by Shakespearean plays or sonnets, but teach a child to memorize a speech from The Merchant of Venice or Hamlet and, suddenly, Shakespeare is something they feel they can access. The mysterious language of Shakespeare “belongs” to them.

A Place for Everything…

One way we can help our children memorize poetry or other worthwhile selections, is to learn the piece together as a family. But making time for memorization can be tricky, especially since it is a slow process and selections should be reviewed over time for retention. So instead of making time for it, try making a place for it. Identify the places where your family spends time together and put a copy of the poems to be memorized in that place. Tape it to the dashboard of your car or write it on a whiteboard in the living room where everyone can read it together after night prayers or before watching a movie.

Memorization “Tools”

• Keep a physical notebook with pieces in it that you have memorized/are memorizing. It is a great way to keep track and occasionally review all memorized pieces. 

• Make simple, laminated placemats, with three or four selections printed on it, for the supper table. Use the placemats all year long to help you memorize before or after meals and do quick reviews for long-term mastery.

• Use IEW’s Memory Mentor app. I have recently been geeking out over this excellent, versatile way to memorize whatever you aim to learn by heart. Among other items, I have recently uploaded a Youtube video which is helping me to memorize the Our Father in Spanish.

• Use melody to memorize! I wrote Sing Your Way to Memorization: Helping Your Children Internalize the Faith for Catholic Mom last month which contains numerous links to help you teach your children the faith. Poetry selections can also be set to music. 

Memorize poetry as a family, and “furnish your mind” together!

Also published at Catholicmom.com.

Frankly, I loved reading to my kids. The older they got, the more I liked it! We read a variety of books. As a girl, Louisa May Alcott was one of my favorite authors, so, as a mother of four boys, I decided to read Little Men. When my kids were teens, we tackled David Copperfield, a verbose and formidable read which was made more easily digestible with my commentary and a few judicious omissions. Together, we were all captivated by the stories of O. Henry. Together, we laughed heartly at The Princess Bride as I read from a frayed paperback I had retained from my teen years.  

Lasting Impressions 

As I think about the memories of reading to my children, I can still feel my youngest son snuggled up to my side—his soft, kissable head resting against my arm. I can see my oldest son sketching intently while he listens from the near-by dining room table. My other two sons sprawl on the floor building with Legos. Their three-year-old sister, wanting to be part of it all, sits first with her oldest brother to draw, then climbs onto my lap with her blanket.  

Sometimes, even dad would join us. Once, locked in a car together on a cross-country trip, he heard The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder and thoroughly enjoyed each new installment. 

Just for fun, I recently asked my grown children which read-aloud book was most memorable for them.  Here are some of their responses: 

30-year-old son: I remember you reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I almost want to say that it was the first book you read aloud, but I’m not sure if that is true. The annoying part was that your voice would give out, so we’d have to take breaks. I just remember being totally captivated by the story and the oddness of talking animals. It introduced so many new, fantastical ideas! 

29-year-old son: Emily of New Moon was memorable. I really enjoyed that book and how it was like Anne of Green Gables but with a bit of the “supernatural.” It also illustrated the process of finding a talent and fleshing it out. Also, The Princess Bride was super fun! 

27-year-old son: The Sea Wolf was my favorite. I think the relationship between the protagonist and the captain is so complicated and bizarre. The captain is a full-on nut. 

22-year-old daughter: It’s hard to pick a favorite because there were so many, but the ones I remember the most are Black as Night [by Regina Doman] and I Am Margaret [by Corinna Turner]. I really liked the mystery and suspense. 

Reliable Reading Resources 

If you are interested in learning the benefits of reading aloud, this resource from the Institute for Excellence in Writing is compelling. Check out Read-Aloud-Revival to find engaging podcasts on the subject, such as What Happens in Your Child’s Brain when You Read Aloud and Why We Should All Be Reading Aloud to Children.  

If you would like to read more books to your children, here are some book suggestions for every age level. And remember, reading can and should be enjoyable and even fun, but our goal as Catholic parents isn’t to get our children to read “just anything.” Reading, and the discussion that accompanies it, can plant seeds that grow beautiful and useful fruit, or it can plant seeds that bear poisonous fruit. The books we read should foster an appreciation of good writing, meaningful themes, authentic humor, and the goodness of truth. As the character Isola Pribby says in the novel, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, “Reading good books ruins you for enjoying bad books.” I have certainly found this to be true! 

[This is the third in a series of three articles published at Catholic Mom to help parents fill their child’s mind with material that will inspire and strengthen them academically and spiritually. Check out Sing Your Way to Memorization and Furnish Your Child’s Mind by Helping Them Memorize Poetry if this subject interests you. Each article includes a number of helpful resources to help you get started.] 

Also published at Catholicmom.com.

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My son knew that is the responsibility and privilege of Catholics to support the Church and those who do the work of the Church. Why? Because the destiny of eternal souls hangs in the balance and those who are on the front lines in communicating the gospel message, need our support. This earthly life is short, and the time to help in whatever way we can is now!

One primary way we can offer this support is through financial help. We are told in 3 John 1:7-8 that when we help those who work "for the sake of the Name," we become "co-workers in the truth." That sure puts a joyful spin on parting with our hard-earned money!

Trusting in God’s Provision

As our country experiences significant inflation, giving financially may be harder than ever to do. Learning from the example of others allows us to more readily entrust our finances to God. Years ago, feeling called to full-time ministry, my husband's parents shut down their ice cream parlor business, sold their home, and bought a motor home. For the next 20 years, they traveled with no financial security and no regular income! Trusting that God would provide everything from food to gas, they shared the love of Christ and the Gospel message with those they met, and often served people in need. The stories they could tell of God's provision inspire our family daily and make it easier for us to trust God with our finances as well.

If we find it particularly challenging to be generous financially, we should pray that God will give us the grace to trust in Him. Tithing and almsgiving have always been an essential part of the Christian life, and there will never be a "perfect" time to start giving. The Catechism states that, "the faithful are obliged to assist with the material needs of the Church, each according to his own ability.” (CCC 2043) 

As Catholics, we don't believe in the "health and wealth" gospel promoted by some other Christian churches. We don’t give expecting God to “pay us back” with blessings and wealth. We do believe that it is our responsibility to discern how we can generously support Christ’s work. Whenever we do God's will, we are blessed in ways that are not always discernable but have far-reaching consequences. We can't out-give God!

Also published at Catholicmom.com.

On the other hand, as I began to pray the novena, I became conflicted about what it means to leave everything up to God. I mean, God requires us to act, not to sit on the couch of life telling Him to “take care of it.” Love compels usto be deeply invested in God’s plan for salvation, for our own growth in holiness, and in the well-being of our family and of the world. How can we be invested and still “surrender” in the radical way the novena invites us to?

But the Surrender Novena, and especially the short prayer of surrender to Jesus which the suppliant repeats 10 times consecutively, has genuinely helped me, an ardent and awkward disciple of Christ, to find peace, as I try to serve God and do his will.

Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything.

This prayer has the power to reorient us when we become overwhelmed. It can heighten our awareness to the fact that when something is too much to handle, causing anxiety and a restless spirit, this is the moment we must stop everything—the worry, the scheming, the imagining—and let go. Instead of getting side-tracked or paralyzed by our agitation and fear, surrendering to him allows us to have the serenity and freedom to do whatever the Lord is asking us to do at any given moment.

One of the reflections in the Surrender Novena uses a child’s relationship with his mother as an analogy:

“[To lose confidence in God and become anxious] is like the confusion that children feel when they ask their mother to see their needs, and then try to take care of those needs for themselves so that their childlike efforts get in their mother’s way. Surrender means to placidly close the eyes of the soul, to turn away from thoughts of tribulation and to put yourself in my care, so that only I act, saying, “You take care of it.”

It has helped me to take this analogy further. I picture one of my children doing his spelling homework. All is going well, but eventually, the point to his pencil breaks and he spends 10 unsuccessful minutes trying to sharpen it with a substandard pencil sharpener. At first, he is mildly frustrated, but soon the whole world feels like it is caving in upon him. He realizes that if he doesn’t finish his homework soon, he may not have time to play before bed, since he also needs to complete his chore of unloading the dishwasher. He can imagine getting in trouble if his homework isn’t done the next day and pictures himself failing the spelling test later in the week.

Finally, when he hands the pencil and the sharpener to his mother, asking for help, he is near tears. He stands at her elbow complaining and telling her how to hold the pencil to achieve the proper pointiness, insisting that it has to be “super, duper sharp” for it to be any good at all. Not only does he hinder her efforts, but he gets more and more emotionally worked up while accomplishing nothing. We can see how, if he took a deep breath, handed his mom the pencil, and trusted her to “take care of it,” he would be free to peacefully study his spelling words or even finish unloading the dishwasher while she gets the pencil sharpened.

Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything.

Surrendering to God is not passive. It is active and it can be much more difficult to “let go” than it is to keep struggling, so we need tools like the Surrender Novena to help us practice and train ourselves to have complete confidence in God. To know how to stop our minds from unproductive fixation, when to take a break from a problem, and how to develop a certain amount of detachment from the projects and complex relationships we know we are called to persevere in.

At a very troubling time, when Jesus was about to be handed over to the Romans, he told his followers to resist the temptation to anxiety as they continued to be his ambassadors to the world, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid” (Jn 14:27). And again, the first words he said to them after the resurrection were, “Peace be with you” (Jn 20:19).

Jesus clearly had work for his apostles to do, but their trust in his ability to accomplish his work through them would be the key to their otherworldly peace. I can imagine the apostles saying multiple times each day, as they carried on the work that Jesus had entrusted to them, “Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything.”

Also published at spiritualdirection.com.

"My future family" was on the list, as were general prayer intentions such as "Iraq" and "all abused children."  When I prayed, as an eighteen-year-old, for "unity in the Church," I had no idea that I was praying for my future husband. He had left the Catholic Church at that time, and it would take several years for him to find his way back. I was glad the list included the name of a friend who later died from cancer in his 30’s.

It feels great—powerful even—to think that I was praying for so many worthwhile things. I am so glad I was asking God for patience five years before I had my first child; little did I know then the kind of radical patience parenthood would demand! How thankful I am now that I was praying for guidance, for the strength to follow the Lord's will for my life, and for the grace to be a more loving person. 

My current prayer list has several of the same intentions on it as my original ones did. For example, I remember adding Doug's name in 1990, and it has remained on my list ever since. I met Doug outside of an abortion facility where a group of us were praying for mothers to change their minds about having an abortion. "Escorts" in yellow t-shirts tried to hustle the abortion facility’s customers into the building, so that the sidewalk counselors could not speak with them and offer them alternatives. Doug was the only escort I ever encountered who was willing to talk calmly about the abortion issue. I did my best to share with him the reason my friends and I thought violence against the unborn created more problems than it solved. He didn't agree, but was respectful toward me, which I really appreciated. I told him I would pray for him—I sensed at the time that I was making a lifelong vow. 

Another person who remains on my prayer list is Jennifer Anniston. I added her nearly 20 years ago. I had never watched Friends and hadn’t seen many of her movies, but I sensed God prompting me to intercede for her. Soon after I added her to my prayer list, my husband and I were visiting some friends and talking about prayer. I said, "Sometimes I think that God calls us to pray in a special way for people who are in the limelight, such as actors..." 

"Yeah," our friend Anthony agreed and randomly added, "Like Jennifer Anniston."  Shocked, I asked him why he suggested her name in particular, and he said he didn’t know why. But God knows why, and I continue to pray for her to this day.

Over the years there have also been changes to my prayer list. When my children were approaching their teens, I composed a prayer that spoke to the needs of my growing children. The prayer, which you can download here, included their future spouses. When I prayed, I knew that somewhere in the world there were unsuspecting kids who were being blessed and assisted by God's grace as they moved in the direction of my children’s hearts. Over the course of the past four years, all five of our children have married beautiful people, and my husband and I were thrilled to be able to tell each one of them that they had been our spiritual children for years.

When it comes to asking our Heavenly Father to answer our prayers, the Catechism of the Catholic Church says, “When we share in God's saving love, we understand that every need can become the object of petition. Christ, who assumed all things in order to redeem all things, is glorified by what we ask the Father in his name” (2633).

We know God wants us to petition him. Here are just a few of the benefits of having a list of petitions:

• Not only does it make a person feel loved when we tell them that they are “on our prayer list,” but praying for someone is a way to actually be loving. St. John of the Cross “In the evening of life, we will be judged on love alone.”

• Jesus often praised people for their faith. Praying for certain petitions over time and with confidence in God’s goodness is an act of faith. It is as though we are saying to God, "I will keep asking for you to bless these people (or solve these problems or increase virtues in me) even when I don’t see immediate results, because I believe that you are listening and that you will take care of everything at the proper time.”

• When we create a list of people and intentions for which we are praying, we can see the way God has answered our prayers. This becomes a testament to God’s power and grace. We share these answers to prayer with others to strengthen their faith, and it increases our own faith as well.

I like the way the authors of Personal Prayer: A Guide for Receiving the Father’s Love explain how the intentions for which we pray can be nested inside our daily personal prayer:

“[Prayer lists] are ways that we gather our petitions into our hearts, calling them to mind, even stirring some affection, and then we…carry them with us into our union of hearts with the Lord” (p 257). 

We are not obliged to have an “official” prayer list, nor is it necessary to pray for everyone and everything on our list daily, but it can be a helpful way to become people of prayer, as we gather all our personal needs and the needs of others into our hearts.

Also published at spritualdirection.com